Some clues for well-meaning but clueless husbands

Picture this scenario:

Me: Your reports are looking nice. However, I do want you to work on reducing some weight to avoid any complications during pregnancy or in delivery.

Well-meaning Husband cuts in: I have been saying this for so many months. She just doesn't ......

Husband goes into a very earnest and concerned monologue for next couple of minutes. During this time, her expression of being apologetic, changes to guilt, and then disappointment to surprise and then she explodes...

Pregnant Patient (to husband): OK, tell me when should I go for the walk! Who will manage the chores if I join the Yoga class! Is it OK if our son goes to school without tiffin! Are you willing to eat out everyday!

This is not a unique scenario. I come across some variation of this scenario many a times. The situation is more acute in a joint or extended family scenario when parents or other family members are living together. No doubt the husband means well and wishes her wife the best. However, he is clueless about the role that he can possibly play in such scenarios. Here are my inputs:

1. Understand that your wife is seeking your help

This is often the first bottleneck. It doesn't occur to many husbands that their wife needs help. She is not complaining or ranting. She is seeking your help.

2. Realize that you are the only person who can help

Let's face the reality without judging anyone. Your visible support and effort is very necessary for other family members to be supportive. It'll be very difficult, if not impossible, for your wife to change the routine of the household on her own, even in a typical, open-minded, forward-thinking household. Your active intervention is very critical to set some changes in motion and fast track the whole process.

3. Help your wife get better control on her fitness routine

Even if you are not into cooking, there are many ways you can help:

• Get up with her, not later (this itself is tremendous motivational support)

• Help her with ancillary tasks in the kitchen like packing the lunchbox

• Make the morning walk (or jog) your initiative (Mom, both of us are going for a jog)

• Help her with serving the dinner and winding up the kitchen

• Go to sleep with her

Even if you are not into cooking, there are many ways you can help:

• Get up with her, not later (this itself is tremendous motivational support)

• Help her with ancillary tasks in the kitchen like packing the lunchbox

• Make the morning walk (or jog) your initiative (Mom, both of us are going for a jog)

• Help her with serving the dinner and winding up the kitchen

• Go to sleep with her